The Secret Sexual Basement
By Chris Jones
The From Harm to Healing treatment program and all of the therapeutic work offered by Chris Jones Therapy is grounded in the Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma (DST) model. The DST model was developed by Dr Omar Minwalla at the Institute for Sexual Health and offers a vital and transformative way of understanding the harm caused by chronic deception in the context of sexual betrayal.
Some may already be familiar with the DST or Minwalla Model, whilst some of you might be hearing about it for the first time. Either way, this article will serve as an introduction — explaining some key ideas, breaking down some important clinical language, and illuminating the central clinical metaphor of “The Secret Sexual Basement”.
Why a New Approach Is Needed
Traditional treatment models for issues like compulsive sexual behaviour or sex addiction often focus primarily on the acting-out behaviours — the affairs, pornography use, or compulsive sexual encounters. Whilst those behaviours are obviously extremely important, the DST model brings something vital into view that many of these approaches overlook: the system of deception surrounding those behaviours when they occur within the context of an intimate relationship.
The model proposes that what we are really dealing with is a two-part problem:
- The sexual behaviours themselves.
- The deceptive behaviours used to conceal them.
These two dimensions are intimately connected, and both must be treated if healing and safety are to be restored. For that reason, the term deceptive sexuality is a more complete label for the identified behavioural issues than other terms like compulsive sexual behaviour or sex addiction.
Clarifying Terms: DCSR
The clinical term that’s used within the model to define “Deceptive Sexuality” is DCSR: Deceptive, Compartmentalised, Sexual-Relational Reality.
Here’s a breakdown of what each part means:
Deceptive
The behaviour is non-negotiated — meaning it hasn’t been openly discussed or agreed upon within the relationship. It violates the boundaries (explicit or implicit) of the partnership and is actively hidden through lies, omission, or misdirection.
Compartmentalised
The behaviour is kept separate from the rest of the individual’s life, often contradicting the values they appear (or claim) to live by.
Sexual-Relational
The behaviours involve repeated violations of sexual or relational fidelity. This may include affairs, sexual encounters, pornography use, or emotionally intimate relationships. The key is that the pattern of behaviour must involve a sexual or relational element — which is what separates it from other kinds of deception (e.g., secret gambling).
Reality
The individual is maintaining an ongoing, hidden reality. The intimate partner is led to believe one version of the relationship, while another reality is deliberately concealed, meaning that the partner’s reality is being intentionally manipulated.
An Important Note on Language
Throughout this model — and in the resources on this website — gendered language is often used: the person engaging in the deception is typically referred to as male (“he”, “him”, “the husband”) and the betrayed partner as female (“she”, “her”, “the wife”).
Whilst anybody can engage in or experience deceptive sexuality, the overwhelming majority of clients that present for treatment are men who have betrayed female partners. The approach is also specifically designed with this dynamic in mind, as it considers the impact of masculine gender shaping and wider societal influences that can enable or normalise these behaviours.
That said, I want to be clear that deceptive sexuality can absolutely apply to other dynamics, and the harm is no less real in those cases.
The Central Metaphor: The Secret Sexual Basement
Whilst the DCSR framework provides a precise clinical definition, many clients and partners find it easier to understand the model through metaphor. One of the most effective metaphors we use is that of the secret sexual basement.
Imagine the scene…
Picture a home with a family living in it. There’s a couple of cars on the driveway; it’s nicely decorated and furnished. Activities are going on in the home just as they would be for any normal family…
Now imagine that one of the members of the family, let’s say the husband and father in this case, has built a secret basement underneath the home that only he knows about. He repeatedly goes into that basement to engage in sexual behaviours or relational infidelities whilst pretending that the basement doesn’t exist…
He covers up the entrance as he enters and leaves, hides any evidence of the basement, and tells his wife that she’s imagining things if she wonders where he keeps going…
This is the metaphor of the secret sexual basement — and it beautifully captures the DCSR concept:
- Deceptive: The people in the home above don’t know about the basement and haven’t agreed to its construction.
- Compartmentalised: The basement is kept entirely separate from the rest of the home, and the behaviours occurring in the basement contradict the values he’s portraying in the home above.
- Sexual-Relational: The behaviours occurring within the basement are sexual and/or relational in nature.
- Reality: The people in the home above are living in a manipulated reality where the basement doesn’t exist.
The Two-Part Problem in Practice
This metaphor helps highlight why traditional treatment models often fall short. They typically focus only on what’s happening inside the basement — the sexual acting-out behaviours — but ignore the behavioural system that protects the basement itself.
That second system includes behaviours such as:
- Lying (outright or by omission)
- Hiding or deleting of evidence
- Gaslighting
- Manipulating the partner
- Minimising or denying reality
If these behaviours aren’t recognised and addressed, recovery is incomplete, and the partner is likely to continue to suffer, especially since many partners report that the deception and manipulation is ultimately more traumatic than the sexual betrayals themselves.
For the person engaging in the deceptive behaviour, it can also be confusing: “I haven’t acted out in years — why isn’t this getting better?” The answer is often that the basement was never fully opened up. The second behavioural system — the deception — was never truly dismantled.
Why This Matters
Understanding DST as a two-part problem has real-world implications:
- For the partner, it explains why she may still feel unsafe, confused, or destabilised — even long after sexual acting out has stopped.
- For the person who engaged in the deception, it offers a clearer roadmap for healing — one that involves integrity, transparency, and rebuilding a shared reality.
- For professionals, it provides a trauma-informed, gender-aware, clinically precise model for treating complex betrayal dynamics.
Final Thoughts
The Deceptive Sexuality Trauma model challenges us to look more closely at what has really happened in relationships affected by betrayal. It asks us to see not just the behaviours in the “basement”, but the walls built around it — and the impact of that hidden world on the people living above.
By naming the full reality, the DST model helps both partners move towards healing that is not only more complete — but more honest, more relational, and ultimately more hopeful.
If you’re interested in learning more or would like to explore support options, please feel free to get in touch.